Winning Friends, Influencing People

I am often asked what books or people influenced the most in my life. There are so many books, quotes, poems and stories that have changed my thinking and helped form me to become the person I am now. There are however only a few books that I return to almost every year when I feel that I need to review the lessons written on those pages. I just finished re-reading a classic by Dale Carnegie, a book that has been read by countless leaders and influencers over the past eight decades since it’s original publication. If you are looking for one of the most powerful and useful books ever written, read How to Win Friends and Influence People. The lessons are timeless and applicable no matter who you are. It is a textbook on how to communicate with others and influence others to your ways of thinking. At the end of each chapter is a recap about the lesson of that chapter. I have listed those principles below because I believe they may help others. For more in depth stories about how these principles have been used throughout history, you will have to read the book in its entirety. Enjoy… and take notes.

How to Influence Others
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Making People Like You
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.
6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

Win Others to Your Way of Thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes” immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.
8. Try to honestly see things from the other person’s perspective.
9. By sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Be a Leader:
1. Change people without resentment
2. Begin with honest praise and appreciation.
3. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
4. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
5. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
6. Let the other person save face.
7. Praise the slightest improvement and every improvement.
8. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
9. Use encouragement. Make the faults seem easy to correct.
10. Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.

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15 Ways to Add Value in the World

People love lists, and for me personally they work to keep my mind steady and in proper working condition. However most lists are not useful to us as we don’t usually follow them, but certain lists belong in every human’s operating manual. The most important thing we can do with our time is to add value to another’s life. Nothing will yield more satisfaction in life than by contributing to the brotherhood of man. Likewise, nothing can yield you more money in the marketplace than figuring out how to add value to another’s life. So, without further ado: 15 Ways To Add Value in the World…

  1. Always do more than you get paid for. Go the extra mile so that people speak nicely of you always.
  2. Make people feel special whenever possible.
  3. Focus on complimenting everyone you meet and spend time with by sharing something you admire about them.
  4. Figure out their needs and try to deliver what they need. This is the foundation of both a fulfilling life and the free market.
  5. Look them in the eye and smile often.
  6. Keep fresh memories about all the positive aspects of that person and relay that information often.
  7. Be lavish with praise and slow to criticize.
  8. Think about life from their perspective and try to alleviate pain when possible.
  9. Touch them physically or with words to communicate your love for them.
  10. Let them know you think of them often.
  11. Take a tone of voice that communicates respect and understanding.
  12. Do something nice without expecting anything in return.
  13. Go out of your way to deliver a moment of happiness whenever possible.
  14. Do not let your imagination go wild with false, negative thoughts the person may have.
  15. Silently say, “Thank you, I love you,” in your head before speaking with another human. Everyone is fighting a battle you may not know about. Remember that and you’ll always operate from a place of compassion and not fear.