Finding Your Truth

Finding Your Truth

I’ve written previously about how so many people focus on the minor things in life and allow little, insignificant details to bog them down and derail their plans. It’s true and will always be true that humans suffer unnecessarily from the false stories we tell ourselves. Most of the problems we have persist in the mind because we assign poor meanings to the events of our lives. In other words, we tell ourselves stories that have no basis in fact, (something that can be measured objectively) but rather, our need to assign meaning to all the events in life causes us to offer up a narrative based on prior beliefs, events and values. The bottom line is that we are always telling ourselves a story. We decide what things and events mean to us with these stories. So, why not tell yourself a better story? Answer, because our brains cannot simply be rewritten like computer code. It’s much more difficult to simply delete the stories in our minds.

This is where the phrase “your truth” comes from. This is not to suggest you deliberately lie to yourself or refuse to accept actual factual events. Instead, the phrase is merely an observation that most of what is going on in your head are a bunch of stories that help you to create meaning of what is going on in your life. These stories are “your truth” because you become the story you tell yourself over and over again. If “life constantly beats you down and you have bad luck”, that story will become your truth because you’ll create meaning based around those beliefs. Moreover, you’ll look for and give extra importance to the negative events that occur which reaffirm the story you tell yourself about having bad luck. See, humans are meaning making creatures. It’s one of the most important distinguishing features between us and the rest of the animal kingdom. So, if it’s in our power to create the meaning about the events in our lives, the answer to living a less anxiety ridden life is to attempt to repeat stories that serve you rather than hinder you in your endeavors.

You. Version 2.0
While rewriting the code in your brain is not as simple or easy as installing the new Mac iOS update on your device, there are ways your can permanently change the type of stories that your brain produces. The first tool that can be employed is to develop a set of rituals every single day. I prefer to start out the day by reading or listening to something that reminds me that I’m in control of my body and the thoughts I produce and choose to listen to. I usually do this alone early in the morning before the day starts. Often, I will do this while doing morning cardio. I find that the easiest way to get out of your head, is the embrace your body and movement is the key. Emotion comes from motion and by radically changing your physiology through exercise, you may quickly find a flood of new stories poor into your mind.

With any ritual, however, it must be performed often and with concentration for it to have an effect. Therefore, the second tool is really repetition- if you tell yourself something over and over again, you’ll find it’s like accessing a file. The more you do it, the faster it loads because your processor (the brain) becomes faster at retrieving it. The body runs on neurological pathways and the more you use these pathways, the stronger they become and the faster the electrical signals can fire. The more often you tell yourself an empowering story, the faster and more available that story become for you to determine what something means. It’s all just a story anyways, so repeat one that will get you where you want to go, rather than stuck in a fixed position. Another great ritual is to journal every morning or evening. What this does is allows you to take your thoughts and get them out of your head and onto paper where you begin to detach yourself from them. It’s important to remember that you are not your thoughts, but rather the one producing them. By writing down your thoughts, it helps you to remember this very important truth.

The last tool is the permanently delete or damage any old stories that you used to tell yourself. Again, this is difficult but absolutely doable. In fact, you can do anything you set your mind to do. The key to successfully removing old stories is to associate so much pain or embarrassment with them that it causes a physical response in your body. This is like taking a knife and scratching a CD or record so that it will never play properly in your machine again. Instead, it will cause discomfort even attempting to play it. An example may be useful here, so I’ll share a story that I used to tell myself. It was simply that “people can’t be trusted and I have to do everything myself.” To rid myself of this story forever, I began to associate all the pain and loneliness I had in my life due to “going it alone.” I realized very quickly that everything great in my life was due to other people- my wife, my family, my kids, my friends. All the great memories I have are with other people. All of the money I have made has come from other people. All the roads, airplanes, elevators, I have used were built by others. All of the products I’ve used were created by other people, or at a least the raw materials were gathered by others. All of the books I’ve read were written by others. All of the joy in my life, everything that was good was because of other people. Did I have pain caused by others? Yes, but only because I was choosing to play a story in my head about how they hurt me. I could just as easily tell myself a story about how “my haters” helped me grow into the man I am now. So I did. I began to associate intense pain with being “a loner” and intense joy with building relationships with others. Now, whenever a story pops in my head about how people suck, I think about what my life would be like with no house, phones, electricity, food, books, cars, roads or music. This helps to get me thinking clearly again about how much I value relationships with other people, although I admit I am guarded about who I let into my life. But being careful and being scared or cynical are very different things. Being careful is smart. Being jaded is dangerous.

Takeaway

The takeaway here is that you can and should begin to examine what stories you tell yourself that limit you. They can be about money, life, other people, government, your own abilities- the list goes on. Then, after the limiting stories have been identified, begin to destroy the story by associating so much pain and embarrassment with the story that a new story, one that is more empowering can be played on the device known as your brain. You do get to choose the meaning behind events. You do this by choosing what to story to tell yourself about what you’re focusing on. So give yourself some new stories that will allow you to get up and take massive action towards your goals and desires. ( I prefer the word desire over goal because I think it has more power behind it. Most people give up on their goals, but those same people may give into their desires. By swapping out one word with another, or one story with another, the change on your life can be profound.) So when something happens, remember to ask yourself, “what does this mean or what story am I going to tell myself about this?” Then ask, “what am I going to do about it?” Make sure your story leads to to take action in a positive way for you and others.

In health,

Sean’s

25 Things I Wish I Knew in High School

 

I don’t have any regrets in life. I would not go back in time and change anything for fear that it would alter my current reality. I like to think that I drive through life looking mostly out the windshield rather than just using the rear view mirrors. That said, there are some things I have learned in my life that I wish I had known in high school. Having known these things, I believe, would not have necessarily changed my path through life, but rather allowed me to deal with circumstances with more calm and poise than I have in the past. So here we go…. 25 Things I Wish I Knew in High School.

  1. You become what you think about most of the time. So monitor your thoughts.
  2. The only thing you can control is yourself and your choices, not others.
  3. Your friends may not necessarily share you values, so be willing to make new ones.
  4. Know that you are not thinking clearly unless your thoughts will lead to a positive outcome for you and you loved ones.
  5. Building disciplines now will lead to a life of freedom.
  6. The pain of a breakup will not last forever, although you think it will.
  7. You family wants you to do well, but may not understand what drives you. Show them by communicating clearly what you are doing and why.
  8. Don’t think local. Think global.
  9. Be careful whom you take advice from.
  10. Seek out mentors rather than jobs.
  11. Training your body now will help you for the rest of your life.
  12. Alcohol, weed and cigarettes can destroy self discipline, so be mindful of these substances.
  13. Start to build multiple flows of income.
  14. Do not go out and “get a job.” Instead, learn how to live and get financial independence.
  15. Start developing a philosophy for how to live now! Hard times will come. You will need a philosophy of how to deal with them.
  16. Everyone has value. Don’t disregard or underestimate someone. They may become your friend or you may do business with them years later.
  17. The highest ideal is individual liberty. Don’t forget that, but don’t waste time lecturing others about it.
  18. Never say, “I can’t afford that.” Instead, “how can I afford that?”
  19. Be humble but confident. Don’t let your ego control you.
  20. Believe you can do anything you set your mind to do, and never, ever let anyone tell you can’t.’
  21. There is nothing you can’t do if you take enough actions and educate yourself on the right strategy.
  22. Don’t operate from a place of scarcity. Your biography is not your destiny.
  23. If you want something, give it away first. If you want friends, be friendly. If you want love, give love. If you want recognition, give it first. If you want happiness, be grateful.
  24. Sometimes the girl sitting next to you in math class will become the love of your life, your soul mate-your queen. So treat her better all the time.
  25. The best revenge is massive success. The best revenge is to “not be like them.”

There you go. These are 25 things I wish I would have known in high school that I know now. Had I know these things would my life be different today? Probably. It’s impossible to tell. I will say this; while I can’t go back in time and teach my younger self these lessons, I’m eternally grateful that I have discovered them now. I guess the one thing time affects for all of us is perspective- if you allow it to. Time has given me incredible perspective and I don’t take that lightly. I’m curious, what would you teach your younger self? Please send your comments!

 

In Health,

 

Sean

Don’t Major in Minor Things

Are You Majoring In Minor Things?

“I can’t get no, satisfaction.”- The Rolling Stones

 

There is an area of my life where I am not satisfied. It’s true! Call me insatiable. Call me ungrateful. Call me whatever you like, just don’t call me comfortable, because I’m not. This area of my life nags at me for attention. It keeps me up at night. It forces my mind to work overtime on how to quash this unease. This dissatisfaction in my life has forced me to question why I have not paid more attention to it before. The answer I have arrived at is the purpose for this article.

The reason I believe that many experience dissatisfaction, sadness and a feeling of lack in their lives is because they focus on things that don’t matter rather than designing a life. In other words, if life was a university, they are majoring in minor things. Many are well versed in sports statistics, celebrity gossip, the new flavor of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and so on. I’d liken this type of trivia to pouring trash into your mind. The mind’s capacity for knowledge is so great, yet we fill it with information and stories that keep us from achieving our true potential. I think we are guilty of this to a certain degree. Why? I would suggest the answer lies in our human desire to seek out pleasure and avoid pain. Trivia is fun, it’s exciting, it’s good in conversation. However, the pleasure gained from it is fleeting.

Disciplined thought and action on the other hand, will lead to long term pleasure and avoidance of many day to day pains that plague us. However, it’s not sexy. Talking about your disciplined routines and life goals at a party or family event will likely get you awkward stares, and rolling eyes. Thus, we go back to majoring in minor things- to avoid the social pain we might face. We all have the desire to be liked by others and our ability to do so determines a great deal of success. However, in our desire to be liked by others, the danger of being distracted by things that don’t matter becomes very real.

If you are not where you would like to be physically, financially, emotionally, it’s because you are not making that area of your life a priority- A MUST, if you will. You always get you MUSTS in life. You find a way to make them happen. But, if you are focusing on other areas instead, you are essentially HOPING for change without making those areas a priority above all else. So, be careful what information you pour into you mind. Choose you majors well and take massive action be sure that you are getting what you determine you MUST have. If it must happen, you will find a way. I have decided to refocus attention on those areas I believe are lacking. I hope you find the will to do the same.

In Health,

Sean

Forget About Body Fat Percentage (Maybe)

 

In the fitness world there is an obsession with knowing one’s body fat percentage or BF %. Of course, knowing your numbers in any aspect of life is certainly better than blindly walking through the world with your head buried in the sand. However, I’m going to comment on what I believe is an unnecessary fixation on the BF% number. First, most of what follows will be a commentary on athletes. If you do not train in the gym towards a goal, then yes, you should probably take a keen interest in what your body fat percentage is. Moreover, if you are sedentary and do not exercise, or you do but still have a large amount of body fat around your midsection, it’s likely that you have an unhealthy amount of visceral fat around your organs, which is very dangerous. If you need a kick in the pants to get up off the couch and get moving, go test your BF % and work to decrease it. Good. I’m glad that’s out of the way. Now we can move on.

Also, there is value in knowing what your lean body mass is. If you are eating one gram of protein and carbohydrates per pound of bodyweight, you’re likely taking in too many calories. A better formula would be to eat based on what your lean body mass is (total weight –bodyfat). So, if I weight 180 pounds, but my lean body mass is 165 pounds, I should be taking in nutrients based on 165 pounds. This is especially true is fat loss is your goal.

Okay, so you’ve gotten through the first part of this and you’re thinking “Sean, I do train hard and I’m an athlete. Don’t I need to know my BF %? “ My answer to that is no. Let me explain. As a trainer and health club owner, I see too many people become distracted by obtaining a lower BF % and I believe this is the wrong goal. For most cross fit athletes, MMA fighters and other professional sports, the amount of body fat one has is nearly irrelevant. What matters more is performance and the ability to produce on command. For this goal, you need to have a little body fat for the body to tap into for energy. If, on the other hand, an athlete becomes obsessed with some abstraction like BF%, his or her ability to perform will be hindered by an unneeded distraction about knowing a piece of information that will not help them.

It should also be noted that body types range widely between person to person. Some folks might walk around at 10% body fat and looked cut and jacked out of their mind simply because they hold fat in different places. I know guys with 15% body fat with incredible abs. The same goes for women. So, if your goal is purely aesthetic, and you train hard and are healthy, the mirror is a much better guide than a BF measurement. Again, some people are genetically predisposed to store more fat in their legs and glutes. Some people store it in their midsection. Where your body fat stores are has at least as much impact on how you look as BF %. Bottom line here, bodybuilders and physique competitors should let the mirror be their guide.

Another very important thing to remember about body fat testing is the inconstancy in which results occur. The method of testing- calipers, bioelectrical impedance, hydrostatic tanks- they all produce different results. Most bioelectrical impedance machines, (the ones where you grab the metal parts and hold your arms out) are very unreliable and produce varying results hour to hour. This is especially true if you are well hydrated or have an increased intake in sodium. My wife and I just competed in a bodybuilding and physique show and our coached Jon and Swann DeLaRosa (www.JonDelarosa.com) (www.Swanndelarosa.com) kept our sodium intake high throughout the entire contest prep. About three weeks into the prep, one of my employees at the gym wanted to test Holly’s body fat and the result from the machine was so ridiculous that I made me laugh. It didn’t make her laugh thought. Despite having become significantly leaner, the machine had her at nearly 30 % body fat- overweight / obese. (@fitlilwifey) on Instagram if you want to see how she looked on stage.) (@libertyfreak for my photos). I reassured her not to worry and explained how the reading was off. But, Holly was nearly de-railed by a piece of false information. She should have trusted the mirror and herself. Calipers and hydro tanks are more accurate, however, it’s worth repeating that your BF% may not have any relevance to you depending on what your goals as an athlete are.

In closing, if you are an athlete, don’t focus on BF%. It’s a complete distraction to you and will hinder your ability to achieve your goals. If you are NOT an athlete and you know that you have a significant amount of fat to lose, or your gut is solid from too much visceral fat, then you should know your BF% number and work to decrease it via training hard and fueling your body with the proper nutrients based on your lean body mass, not your overall bodyweight. Again, the real takeaway here is that there is no cookie cutter approach or metric that can be applied to the whole population for anything in life. That includes ideal BF%, BMI, sodium intake, or anything else. Know thyself. Don’t be defined or distracted by a number!

 

 

In health,

Sean

The War is On!!!!

The War is Underway. Are You Prepared?

“Circumstance does not make the man. It reveals him to himself.” -Epictetus

There is a war underway. It is happening to us and affecting us all and though you may not have heard a shot fired, I can assure you the war is very real. Do you feel the struggle? I assure you that you do because the struggle I’m referring to is the one for the ownership of your soul. The enemy is one you are familiar with on an intimate level. He or she is the one you look at in the mirror! That’s right, your biggest enemy is you.   Your only opponent is you. It’s always you vs. you. You are always the maker of your circumstance because of your power to choose the thoughts that you listen to. Your thoughts can be your ally in this war for your soul or they can be your enemy.

“Thoughts can be your jailer, being base. Or, they can be angels, being pure. “- James Allen

The enemy within is very real. He may never be completed defeated, but he can be subdued and made to retreat every day. How? Every day stand guard at the door of your mind! Be vigilant and exacting about the thoughts that you allow to take root in your mind.   Your mind is like a garden. It must be cultivated regularly, or the weeds will take the garden. Similarly, your negative thoughts, anxieties, fears and will take your mind. They are the weeds that must be cut back. Your mind, your body, your life is your garden. Pay attention to what is taking root or you may wake up one day to realize that enemy has won and that weeds, the weakness, the disease and the unhappiness has taken over.

The enemy is real. You have met him. He is you. So do what is necessary to build up the disciplines to take control of you mind and your life. We are the masters of our lives because we have the ability to disregard our instincts and instead instill disciplines that will improve our own quality of life as well as the ones we love. Discipline has no regard for emotions, which often fail us. Discipline does not negotiate with the whims and desires of the mind. Establishing disciplines that will serve you in life is the only way to combat the enemy of negative thoughts that have the capacity imprison us all. Start the disciplines today so that you can be free in the future.

“Discipline equals freedom” – Jocko Willink

 

In Health,

 

Sean

Words Of Encouragement

Words of Encouragement

I’m a huge believer in self-talk to amp yourself up and power through obstacles. That said, I think most of the self-talk people have is negative and doesn’t serve our lives in a positive way. Therefore, here is a list of 50 (yes 50!) phrases that you can tell yourself so that you may achieve the necessary state of mind and body to achieve tranquility, success or whatever you may desire.

  1. I can do this.
  2. I am not rushed.
  3. I am strong.
  4. I am capable.
  5. Keep going.
  6. Discipline equals freedom.
  7. Progress equals happiness.
  8. People love me.
  9. I matter.
  10. I care about others.
  11. I’m a good person.
  12. I can figure this out.
  13. I have all the resources I need.
  14. I lack nothing.
  15. Nothing disturbs or distracts me.
  16. I understand others.
  17. There are good people in the world.
  18. I am blessed.
  19. Every day above ground is success.
  20. I’m proud of myself.
  21. I can learn anything.
  22. There’s nothing I cannot do.
  23. I am grateful.
  24. I know there is an answer.
  25. I see things as they are, but not worse.
  26. I can see how to make things better.
  27. I enjoy my life.
  28. My happiness depends on me alone.
  29. I am not my thoughts.
  30. I can do anything I set my mind to.
  31. I have faith in others.
  32. I have faith in myself.
  33. I respect other and they respect me.
  34. I feel goodness.
  35. I feel loved.
  36. I see beauty all around.
  37. I am present in this moment.
  38. If I can think it, I can do it.
  39. I have courage.
  40. I use fear as a tool to grow.
  41. I dance with fear; it doesn’t control me.
  42. I know what I have to do.
  43. I know what I am capable of.
  44. I don’t negotiate with my mind.
  45. I control my life.
  46. I take responsibility for everything in my world.
  47. I take MASSIVE action.
  48. I create energy, it’s not something I lack.
  49. The only limitations are the ones in my mind.
  50. I am unstoppable!

I sincerely hope one of these sayings, or mantras if you will, will be of use to you. Remember, you cannot always control your thoughts, but you get to decide which ones you listen to. Put some of these thoughts in your head and eliminate the stories that have held you back!

In health

Sean

7 Qualities of a Leader

7 Qualities of a Leader (And The Only Way to Earn More Money)

Everyone wants to make more money, but few are willing to take on the responsibilities and execute the duties associated with bringing more value to the marketplace. Value is really what we are talking about when we talk about money. Now, everyone has value. As a person. As a husband. A wife- you name it. But in terms of income, value to the marketplace is what determines your pay. Sure, you may be able to fool or scam some people short term and make a bunch of cash, but you can’t fool all the people all of the time as the saying goes. Eventually, the laws of compensation will catch up with everyone and everything in this universe. That said, here are the Seven Qualities that will ensure your income rises regardless of the economic climate. They just also happen to be the Seven Qualities of Leaders.

1.VISION- To ensure more income for yourself and to be a great leader, you must have the capacity to see what is not yet there. You must have vision. You must tap into creativity- the energy source that brings life to all new things. Yes, you must see things as they are, but not worse than what they are. THEN, you must have vision for what could be better. After that, massive action is necessary to see your vision become a reality.

2.COURAGE- This, in my opinion is the most important trait to have. Without courage, nothing happens. Fear will always cloud your thinking and get in the way of your success. An example of courage in the marketplace is making cold calls to prospects or asking existing clients for referrals. That takes courage. Simply showing up to work and going through the motions takes no courage. In other words, to utilize courage, you must be willing to be uncomfortable- that’s the only way you can grow. All growth comes from a period of discomfort, and making more money requires doing what others are not willing to do.

3.INTEGRITY- No one will follow a person without integrity for a sustained period of time. Being a person of ethics and values- having a code and living by it will cause others to trust you and trust your judgment because they believe that you have their best interest at heart. This matters a great deal in every relationship, including those in the marketplace.

4.HUMILITY- Having a modest view of your own importance as it relates to others is vital for any leader. Of course you are important, but no more important than anyone else as far as they are concerned. Understand that everyone is the star of their own movie!   You are merely the cameo appearance. So, if you want to succeed in being a leader and making increased income, check your ego at the door. If others see you as being a person who lacks the humility to accept the importance of others, you may do well, but it will not last. People like to follow others they respect. And employers love to pay respectable people more.

  1. STRATEGIC PLANNING- This quality is so needed today, I could write hundreds of pages about the subject. The bottom line here is that, the tactical work of doing the job as it is required and the strategic work of planning the future work that must be done for increased levels of success are two very, very different things. Most believe that by showing up and doing the job as required is enough to be compensated more (because there exist so many people who can’t even do that!). The truth however, is very different. The truth is that in today’s marketplace, strategic planning is required to ensure that you become irreplaceable. Look at great leaders in history- they all had the capacity for strategic planning. Disney, Jobs, Washington, Churchill- Marshall, Khan- all of these people were incredible planners and that’s why their names will be cemented in history.
  2. FOCUS ON STRENGTHS AND USING THEM- Great leaders focus on their own strengths as well as the strengths of others and plan a way to best employ those strengths. In other words, they don’t complain that “everyone around here is stupid” or “I’m the only one who really works hard.” Those are limiting beliefs that will ensure you never get to where you want to be. Those who focus on the tools they have and how they can possibly be used to accomplish a goal will usually figure out a way to get it done, even if they are lacking a certain tool or trait. This is due to the fact that they are more mindful than those who only see faults in others.

7.FOCUS ON RESULTS- At the end of the day, RESULTS RULE. PERIOD. END OF STORY! If workplace morale is down, month over month or year over year revenues are down, there exists an exponential increase in the costs associated with doing business or some other massive problem, you must figure out what is not working right. What needs to be optimized? What needs to be innovated? Who do you need around you to accomplish your goal? Who is not a right fit? What must happen to make your world incredible both at work and outside of it? Results rule. Do not keep going down the same road because you’re used to it. What if a giant tree or sinkhole was blocking the road? Would you still consider the route? Of course not. A great leader would formulate a new plan of action and then implement it to get the desired result. Change your approach until the result you want is reached.\

There it is. Seven Qualities of a Leader/ Seven Ways to Make Sure You Get A Raise.

Remember though, it’s not enough to understand something intellectually. You must embody it. You must live it and keep on living it so that others will follow you and help you achieve your desires!