When Is Enough, Enough?

WANTING MORE VS. BEING GRATEFUL

As I get older, I find myself in a curious spot. I am truly grateful for so much in my life, yet I feel that I have not lived up to my potential. Frankly, I’m not satisfied with where I am because I know I can do more. I realize the big irony is that my dissatisfaction is causing me to have anxiety and fear about what actions to take next to in regards to business and lifestyle. Worse, I find myself looking at my wonderful family and remembering the experiences I have had and I feel guilt over wanting more. Is it wrong that I should strive to want more considering that I have so much more than millions suffering from ill health, poverty and want? Perhaps, but it’s in my nature to strive for more. I don’t think I’m alone in this desire. After all, progress is happiness. It doesn’t matter what you used to do, or make, or bench press, if you find yourself slipping backwards, it can be devastating to the psyche. Conversely, if you set a goal which causes you to make progress from your current position, you will have a sense of achievement and worth. I have to remind myself of this constantly. If you find yourself in a similar mental situation as myself, let’s explore the following together…

WHAT DRIVES PROGRESS-

All human progress stems from dissatisfaction. Period. If man were perfectly content with his lot in life, there would be no reason for innovation, increased production or investments. The desire to improve lifestyle, length of life, financial position and physical capacity is what underlies our entire economy and society. It takes millions of people working to increase their value to others which leads to advancement and the creation of new wealth. Without this desire, which is unique and inherent to mankind, the free market and all its benefits would not be available. Society would not exist as we know it today. Life would be a very different experience for us without the need for self improvement. Therefore it’s reasonable that we should all want to do more, produce more, be more valuable so that we may help others as well as improve our own lives.

PURPOSE OVER HAPPINESS
I stated before that progress equals happiness, but happiness is overrated. I’ll say that again; happiness is overrated. Perhaps “progress equals fulfillment” would be a more appropriate statement. Happiness is too vague a term. It’s fleeting and it is not a dependable nor accurate barometer of how ones life is progressing. Yet too many people look to how happy they are currently as a measure of how they perceive their life. Happiness can be a bar of chocolate or a smile from an attractive person. It can be a past memory that comes into your consciousness. It doesn’t last. Happiness is a feeling and feelings don’t last. Happiness will flee anytime you fall ill, become stressed, experience pain or a change in fortune. We look at happiness as a destination, but it is not. This is the reason so many are drawn to television, sports or foods and drink that bring about a change in mental state. We are pursuing happiness in the form of a change of consciousness. We are seeking happiness by doing these things. We all know that spending time with certain people can be a great source of happiness. It can also be a source of anxiety. According to many studies, our relationships with others is the greatest indicator of how happy we are. I would suggest however, that the focus not be on happiness, but rather purpose. Who am I? Why am I here? What do I want? These are the three questions according to Stanislavsky that we need to answer in order to fulfill our purpose. By shifting your focus to answering these questions instead of wondering what will make you happy, you may just find true fulfillment, which is much more important than happiness.

FINDING BALANCE

Of course purpose and fulfillment cannot occur without reflection of your current situation and where it stands in relation to your goals. This requires one be both mindful of what is going right and what needs improvement. It’s not possible to get an accurate reading without considering both the positive and negative of your situation. If you are only focussed on what is lacking, without taking into consideration what you have accomplished, it will become impossible to get into an emotional state that will allow you to take the action needed to progress towards your goal. Once you achieve that emotional state that causes you to dream about what you want and jump out of bed early in the morning to get it, remember that what you’re doing is transforming into the best version of you. It’s not about what you’re getting, it’s about what you’re becoming. It does no good to ask, “What am I getting?” Instead, “What am I becoming?” If the answer is you are becoming more because you learned more and have more to give, you are on the right track. Therefore, no guilt should be associated with wanting more from life, so long as we don’t lose sight of all we have to be truly grateful for. And therein lies the difficulty. Balancing equal time on focussing what you have to be grateful for, with planning and taking action on how to become more and fulfill your potential. There must be balance or neither will happen and anxiety will ensue. It is a tricky task to balance, but I think it will be worth it in the end.

To becoming more!

-Sean

Words Of Encouragement

Words of Encouragement

I’m a huge believer in self-talk to amp yourself up and power through obstacles. That said, I think most of the self-talk people have is negative and doesn’t serve our lives in a positive way. Therefore, here is a list of 50 (yes 50!) phrases that you can tell yourself so that you may achieve the necessary state of mind and body to achieve tranquility, success or whatever you may desire.

  1. I can do this.
  2. I am not rushed.
  3. I am strong.
  4. I am capable.
  5. Keep going.
  6. Discipline equals freedom.
  7. Progress equals happiness.
  8. People love me.
  9. I matter.
  10. I care about others.
  11. I’m a good person.
  12. I can figure this out.
  13. I have all the resources I need.
  14. I lack nothing.
  15. Nothing disturbs or distracts me.
  16. I understand others.
  17. There are good people in the world.
  18. I am blessed.
  19. Every day above ground is success.
  20. I’m proud of myself.
  21. I can learn anything.
  22. There’s nothing I cannot do.
  23. I am grateful.
  24. I know there is an answer.
  25. I see things as they are, but not worse.
  26. I can see how to make things better.
  27. I enjoy my life.
  28. My happiness depends on me alone.
  29. I am not my thoughts.
  30. I can do anything I set my mind to.
  31. I have faith in others.
  32. I have faith in myself.
  33. I respect other and they respect me.
  34. I feel goodness.
  35. I feel loved.
  36. I see beauty all around.
  37. I am present in this moment.
  38. If I can think it, I can do it.
  39. I have courage.
  40. I use fear as a tool to grow.
  41. I dance with fear; it doesn’t control me.
  42. I know what I have to do.
  43. I know what I am capable of.
  44. I don’t negotiate with my mind.
  45. I control my life.
  46. I take responsibility for everything in my world.
  47. I take MASSIVE action.
  48. I create energy, it’s not something I lack.
  49. The only limitations are the ones in my mind.
  50. I am unstoppable!

I sincerely hope one of these sayings, or mantras if you will, will be of use to you. Remember, you cannot always control your thoughts, but you get to decide which ones you listen to. Put some of these thoughts in your head and eliminate the stories that have held you back!

In health

Sean

Let’s Talk About Sex

Sex. Every species’ biological imperative. We don’t talk about it as a society like we really should. Governments ban sexual images, companies perpetuate them, we try to keep our kids away from them and there’s an abundance of sex related movies, TV shows and Internet material. Depending on your point of view, we either live in a highly sexual culture or one that is highly suppressive towards the subject of sex. Most adults want sex, men believe they don’t get enough. Women want it as well, although a higher percentage of women claim not to need it as often to be happy. There is a direct link between sex and happiness. Here are some interesting statistics to consider:

From a 2011 study on sex in Personality and Social Psychology Review:

“Over half the men in their national sample reported thinking about sex every day, whereas only one fifth of the women reported thinking about sex that often.”

“… found that “husbands continued to prefer intercourse more frequently than wives”. In fact, wives consistently reported that they were quite satisfied with the amount of sex they had in their marriages, but men on average wished for about a 50% increase.”

From the Paris Review (2014):

“Forty million Americans describe themselves as sex-starved. According to Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers and chief scientific consultant to the dating site chemistry.com, it is often a question of mismatched libidos—an adventurer paired with a traditionalist, for example.”

“Studies show single Americans are having sex especially rarely. Some have blamed Internet porn; the American sex therapist Ian Kerner theorized that everyone was too tired.”

“In a survey of five thousand Americans, 70 percent said they experienced sexual boredom in their relationship, but eighty percent of married couples said they would remarry the same person.

Women get bored sexually with the same partner much sooner than men. According to one study, women experience “a catastrophic decline of interest” after three years whereas men show a much more gradual erosion.”

Men and women approach the idea and subject of sex very differently as seen from the excerpts. There also exists a very strong correlation between physical fitness level and sexual activity and desirability. Study by Penhollow and Young (2004) found frequency of exercise and physical fitness enhanced attractiveness and increased energy levels. They write that those who exercise are more likely to experience a greater level of satisfaction and a positive perception of self, which may cause them to believe they are more desirable and may perform better sexually. Both male and females who are physically fit are also more likely to describe themselves as more sexually desirable—thus improving their self-image and the likelihood they engage in sex. Lesson: the more fit you are, the better and more often you have sex.

Sex, despite it’s negative association with STD’s and adultery, can offer a whole host of healthy benefits. The act of sex releases many hormones that contribute to overall well-being, such as oxytocin. Sex also releases endorphins, which can improve mood and block pain. Moreover, every time you reach orgasm, the hormone DHEA increases in response to sexual excitement and orgasm. DHEA can boost your immune system, improve cognition, keep skin healthy, and even work as an antidepressant. Therefore, the added health benefit is that you will feel—and look—younger, longer.

I’ve touched on the relationship between fitness and sex, but sex itself can be considered aerobic exercise, burning up to 200 calories per session. Among other benefits, women who engage in regular sexual activity with their partners have higher levels of estrogen, which protects against heart disease. Research has found that men who have sex two times per week have fewer heart attacks than those who do not. The hormones released during sex cause an increase in blood pressure and heart rate, and it engages almost every muscle in the body. After sex, blood vessels dilate and blood pressure is then reduced. This change in blood vessel constriction may also help with tension headaches. NOTE—those with unhealthy or uncontrolled blood pressure issues should be wary. Consult your doctor often to see if you are healthy enough for sex.

So there you go. A little talk about sex. Did it make you uncomfortable? Did you maybe learn something? Do you want to go the club and lift weights to increase your desire and attraction level? Good. That’s the point of all this—to get you thinking about all aspects of your life and how health plays the ultimate role in your success in those areas. And, in case you needed another reason to stay fit, now you have it.

Stay strong,

Sean.